Updated: Nov 23, 2021
"Your current moment is based on your past thoughts and beliefs. Your current thoughts determine your future. Take responsibility for your ability to create." -Rebecca Campbell
Where is the place where you are not loving you? How much are you identifying with your emotions, pain, or actions? For example, we can identify with our depression and determine that is a trait that you have. That is a detrimental belief. Let's say that you grew up and learned from your family and friends that being depressed is weak, crazy, or selfish. Those will be your thoughts around your belief. More are spun when you begin to identify with those thoughts, "I am weak", "I am crazy", "I am selfish". The spiral has begun towards self hate and further depression. I started identifying with my depression as it began to last longer and get worse. I believed that I was never going to be able to change that and therefor I accepted it as a part of my personality or cross that I was meant to bare. Acceptance can be misinterpreted when you are taught to accept what you can't change. In DBT, this is called radical acceptance. Radical Acceptance is choosing to instantly and radically accept something that you having been trying to change over and over again the same way, expecting a different outcome. This is absolutely true in many circumstances in our lives, but it is not an exact science, so don't let anyone tell you to accept something you know must improve in yourself. The truth is that you can't change other people. Radical accepting other people and sometimes your relationships with them turns you in the right direction. It is appropriate to accept where you are in that moment and choose to realize that you don't know the future and anything is possible. Sometimes relationships improve over time because all of us are changing in one way or another. Love attracts love. I will continue to tell you that love is always the answer. Practicing self love will lead to self love.
What you can control is forgiveness. How can forgiving those you can't meet eye to eye with give you peace? It might be worth trying when you radically accept the situation. What areas are you not loving yourself that need some self forgiveness so you can have peace? If you do not believe you are worthy of forgiveness, you will need to start slowly untangling that spiral that landed you in unworthiness. A good place to start exploring is giving yourself and others grace from mistakes made. You are not your feelings, period. There is NO arguing with that. Give yourself grace to make mistakes and lower your standards of where you think you should be in life. You can lower your standard, because you might be trying to lead a perfect life without even knowing it. Life is good with the success and failure. If you observe your thoughts around this, notice if you are using the word should. Should equals shame. Shame leads to fear, which is trying to control what we can not control. We then doubt ourselves. Generally, we use the word should regarding ourselves when we are trying to live up to other's expectations, or if we are comparing ourselves to someone else's image of success and happiness.
I did all of this for most of life, and it took getting to a point in my suffering where I could not go on like that another second. I identified with my depression and anxiety to my core and I experienced darkness that I could not escape from. All I could hear while I was so heart broken was, "you are crazy", "stop having pity party", "you are broken', that came from exs or those who just didn't understand my pain. Honestly, I didn't understand it either. My hurtful self talk solidified, spinning a cycle of despair fueled by shame and lies I was allowing myself to believe. When you are that lost, you don't know what is up or down. I finally could not bare it anymore, so I was forced to open my mind and begin to listen to what my body and heart was trying to tell me. I started listening to the pain I was feeling in different parts of my body and allowing my emotions to flow through with clarity. I started my journey deciphering what I was feeling so that I could let it flow through me and out. This is why I am here, to offer my pure nonjudgmental empathy to you, because you never know what someone else is going through and sometimes they don't understand it either. You are perfect and loved. I am going to share my path and everything I have learned, so that you don't have to wander lost trying to find answers like I did.
There are different techniques that helped me so much that I will begin to share in later posts, but I will briefly describe them here. Somatic Healing, which is quieting your mind and paying attention to different sensations in your body. The goal is to get information from the sensations, because your emotions play out through your body. You will discover how to be there for yourself by listening to your body. Inner Child Work, which is a guided journey in where you will be brought back to an age where you were hurt and vulnerable. You are able to be there for yourself like nobody else was. It is very healing! Breath Work, there are all different types of breathing techniques you can do, but the one that changed my life was Holotropic Breathwork that requires a facilitator. It is a deep faster paced breathing that, personally, released so much fear and grief for me that I had built up in my heart. After the third session, the constant burning and aching in my chest and stomach from so much stress was completely relieved. It has not come back. I will be offering this soon and will be able to work with you through zoom as well. Contact me with any questions.
Once you can weed past all of the nonsense that you have been listening to, you can start to be the artist of your life. Look for the good in your life, and you will begin to attract more and more of that. In my previous post, I talked about manifesting what you most long for in your life. How can you begin to start coloring in that picture you have of yourself? I will share how I have started discovering what I love in my life now and what a spiral up looks like in a post to come.