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Self Worth, Where We Lose Our Power, And Where Feeling At Home Really Comes From

Updated: Nov 23, 2021

Why do we lose our knowing that we are worthy of love when someone whom we love leaves us? Is it possible to hold on to our self worth through from the beginning of a relationship to it's unfortunate end? It has been important for me to discover that there is always self worth inside me at the same time I am grieving someone I love. A breakup and grief go hand in hand. My self worth had never deserted me. I deserted myself out of confusion and was lost in a maze trying to find the way back to the person I was before. I now believe you can take it or leave it, and I do not care if someone else does not see my worth. It took a matter of months to tear my unique individual light to pieces, and the last 10 years rediscovering who I am. You have to make it through the trenches alone to see that you do not need someone who does not value your beauty as a person. There is light at the end of tunnel, I promise. Learn to sit in all of your emotions and allow yourself to feel them. Breath and let it pass. It takes using your strength to love yourself through healing and standing back tall in who you are. I found myself still sensitive, pure, gentle, funny, and smart, but a wounded and much stronger version. My suffering gave me wisdom. It is the gift of trauma. The sturdy ground of self knowing gave me the strength and clarity to be able to see the gift in trauma. I had to work hard going through the process of healing the damage I had done to myself. Find the power to allow who you want in your life and the power to cut someone lose if they are not giving you what you deserve.

It is important in an relationship to practice clarity in regards to what we could be using our partners for while they are treating us badly or once we feel that they are moving in a different direction. What are our insecurities clinging to in someone else in order to feel whole? If you feel self worth, then you don't need someone who doesn't need you. There are always signs and "red flags" from someone else that the love is changing for the worse or that their is an ulterior motive underneath the relationship. Losing self worth starts there, not at the end of a relationship. We are intuitive creatures for a reason. Do not convince yourself otherwise out of fear. Use your intuition to avoid the spiral down where you are hit with self abusing false beliefs around every corner. Having a grieving heart is part of life, but that is different than healing a broken heart. Feeling bruised is normal, feeling broken is hazardous. Acting on our intuitions is also an act of faith in the process. Is it better to be damaged than to trust your soul's warnings? It is easier to trust heart annihilation from someone else's words and abandonment than to listen to the other communication of the unsaid. Turning a blind eye is the first wrong step you choose to take in order to obtain self worth from another. This is the recipe for growing unloving core beliefs that are like tar to remove.

The second part to this is actually what happens before giving your power away by ignoring your intuitive human characteristics. We all start in a much less vulnerable state in the beginning, and it is easy to lose yourself in the process of intimate love. How and why do we do this? That is the first act of giving your power away. I am talking about your power of confidence in the true belief that you are valuable enough to be deserving of respectful and kind love. Love gives us a feeling of indestructible safety. The feeling of being home. We tend to search for a sense of home in others and places. Home is you. Your body is your home because it houses you. Everywhere you go you are home and everything else around you is ever changing. Imagine that you bring your home with you wherever you go and you populate that environment around you with people and places that you allow your home to live in and around. You are are always changing in response to the experiences you have in relation to what you surround yourself with. Human beings are tribal, so we are meant to have relationships in all forms, and the power you have is letting those go who are causing change in you that distances you from your own feeling of safety and love within yourself. Don't lose sight of who you are by the reflection of someone else's take on you. We deserve a relationship where we can both see each other and hold each other up in that light. It is important to hold the boundary of bliss from infatuation. Accept the inevitable heart ache in life and the fact that you hold wholeness within you.

As children, we look to those taking care of us, who we trust for an example of what relationships are supposed to look like, so we definitely carry that with us into adulthood. We start trying this out for ourselves and make some of the same mistakes our parents made. I did this for most of my life, but to an extreme. I was not good at learning my lessons for the better. I tried the same approach and type of partner over and over again trying to make it work and if it didn't, I believed that I was the cause, not that it was the wrong fit and wrong model of what I deserved. It is important to me to know what love is. To diverge my sight from what my ego is yearning for. I have started looking back at parts of my parent's relationship that was loving, and around me at how different men are treating the women they love. For example, my brother in law is loyal, patient, and kind to my sister. They also can laugh with each other at themselves. I look at what I admire and want in love and then began to learn how to calm my mind so that it can't fill my mind with false core beliefs. It is a practice. This opened the door to my untainted core beliefs. It took looking inward at my shadow self. Parts of me that played a part to my demise. I own it, let it go, and begin to take the blindfold off to what my beauty is inside and out. We are deserving always, but what do you love about yourself to solidify that core strength? I love that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It is one of my favorite parts about myself because it shows my purity and courage. Underneath that is confidence in who I am solidified with strong boundaries.

Two at home practices. Journal how you define love and what your positive traits are. Second, stand in front of the mirror, and say the words, "I love you", while you stare into your own eyes. Do the second practice everyday and see how the experience changes.

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