What Are You Doing Right? Self Love Is Not Perfection.

Updated: Dec 13, 2021

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It is not just about thinking of the good things in our life when you are feeling down and feeling the guilt that you have to force these thoughts of everything you are grateful for. It's about paying attention to everything you are doing right. What are you doing right in your life? The guilt of feeling like you aren't being grateful enough does the complete opposite of self love. I recently heard that self love is service, because when we love and take care of our selves, we are able to love and appreciate others. Taking care of ourselves is the key phrase. The idea of self love is becoming a little bit of an idea that we need to hyper focus on loving ourselves and the main focus being doing good for us. This was labeled, self lust. Doing good for others is also another way of taking care of ourselves because it is in our nature to give rather than to receive. Think of a time you were feeling hopeless and lost. Someone comes to you for advice or help. You will get up and be there for them even though you are in need of help yourself. This is the service of self love. You can't love others unless you love yourself on some level. If you are lost, know that you are doing right in many aspects. That is enough even if it is just for now.

Now, I just asked my co worker to read this. Her response was that it is really hard to let go of dwelling on what she does wrong so that she can love herself. My response was, you can't focus on letting go of what you are dwelling on and also shifting your focus to what you are doing right. The process of the two together is way too exhausting and unnecessary in one sitting. You can notice what you are doing right, and that alone will begin to release the hold your negative thoughts have on you. First, focusing on letting go of dwelling on the negative is focusing on the negative. Focus on what you are doing right, period. All you have to do is practice this. Do not make it complicated by aggressively trying to list everything you do right. That is another way perfection is trying to squeeze through the cracks of your focus. Just notice and acknowledge that self love is not about perfection. Practice this when you are in the moments of feeling defeated by your own thoughts.

What are we doing right for ourselves and others? When we can recognize that we are doing more right than wrong in our lives, that is enough. We can access the clarity of knowing that we are enough. Nothing and nobody is perfect. That includes you. Give yourself a break. When you can give yourself a break, you can give others a break as well. I have talked about lowering your expectations, and your standards of personal achievement. Focusing on what we are doing right disintegrates this idealized fantasy of how things are supposed to be. What is, is beautiful in all the success and flaws. The fight for perfection has been a struggle for me, which is an impossible lie that I was somehow fed and then I perpetuated along my path of learning to live. What I am doing right is more important than what I do wrong. I am now nourishing myself by taking care of me, and I have the ability to authentically be there for others. Taking care of each other, is an honorable act.

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